June Newsletter & Slideshow

Better late than never, right?
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FAMILY:  Summer was in full-swing for the Hamilton family in June. We had lots of fun! It started out in Richfield (we stopped through on the way back from SLC for Ivory’s wedding) for Grandma Devenish’s birthday party. We went to their church & then met at Kims & had cake & ice cream. It was great to see them. Grandpa Tew’s birthday was the 5^th, and we remembered him and talked about him & even ate tomatoes for dinner since that was his favorite food – at least Heidi & Jason did! That next week, we got in our swim suits and put the hose down the slide for some water fun. Then it was to the beach for sandcastle-building and fun in the water with the Bealers. The girls also have started to do the Cedar City Unplugged, where they get “brag tags” for doing certain activities like fishing, swimming, etc. Our big project that we finished this month is our garden boxes!! It took a lot of blood (Jason gashed his leg with the wheelbarrow), sweat, tears, and money, but they are finally in & planted!! A few of the plants have already died, but so far the pumpkins, peas, corn, watermelon, tomatoes, red peppers, onions, lettuce, and spinach look like they’re going to make it! On the 13^th, we had a fire in the bin in our front yard & sang songs & roasted marshmallows J The 15^th was Father’s Day & we all had a great time spoiling daddy! Jason was out of town for work on the 17^th, so us girls headed down to St. George, found a new fun splashpark and then hooked up with the Hamiltons to go see the movie Sherman & Mr. Peabody. It was really good!! We went to Payson’s baseball game the next day and loved to cheer him on – they took Bronze in the Utah Summer Games! Our neighbors, the Blackners, continue to move things out of their huge house and one day they asked if we wanted a piano that they had. Heidi wasn’t sure about it, but Jason wanted it, so they brought it in and WHALA! We now have a piano in our front room!  The weekend of the 20^th, we took our trailer up the canyon and camped for a few days. It was wonderful – the weather was great & we had a great time playing in the stream, going fishing, hiking, driving around to different lookouts, roasting marshmallows, playing Bop It, singing, etc. We love to camp! The girls got to go to the Primary President’s home for a water party this month – they rented a huge inflatable water slide and had water toys and a slip n’ slide and a trampoline. They had a blast! The week of the 24^th, we headed up north for the Potts family staycation. Some highlights were going to the splash park near our old home in Herriman, checking out the new aquarium, going to Lagoon & Lagoon-a-beach (and eating cherries off the tree, and eating HUGE ice cream cones in a downpour of rain), going to the updated Tracy Aviary, going to Taylorsville Dayzz and watching the fireworks on the Johnson’s lawn, and of course eating yummy food and getting to visit with those we love.

JASON:  June is Jason’s month to get spoiled J on Father’s Day, we woke him with a crown and a treasure hunt that McKinley had put together (there was a piece of snickers on each clue). He found the treasure box that was filled with pictures from the girls, an SUU T-shirt, a mug that says “BEST DAD EVER,” and chocolate. They also each made him a tie out of paper & he wore all three to church that day. For his birthday, he spent a few hours at Cabella’s with Joseph & then went fishing with him till 2am! He also worked hard this month on the side yard & getting the garden in. Jason got a nasty cough in June & finally went into the doctor who said he probably had walking pneumonia. He got some antibiotics and is feeling much better.  Jason also spent a good amount of time the last part of June making preparations for the 50 mile scout camp hike he has coming up in July. He had found a free backpack, but some of the straps were cut, so he had to go to 2 different places in SLC to get it fixed.

 HEIDI: Heidi has helped with the garden boxes and enjoyed going to Ladybug Nursery to pick out which vegetables we were going to attempt this year. She continues to train, with her longest run this month being just over 7 miles, which she ran with dad on the Jordan River Parkway before we went to Lagoon. She has had fun with the girls, checking off our summer bucket list and she really enjoyed getting to spend time with her family in Salt Lake. She has been reading (again) Wuthering Heights & is enjoying it. She’s also been busy doing deep cleaning, trying to get the house ready for Noelle’s blessing, and tried 3 different tile-cleaning machines. She thinks she is settling on a steam cleaner.

McKINLEY:

-McKinley started her play practices this month and is having a great time! She is so much fun to watch rehearse all her songs and we are really looking forward to seeing her play in August!

-For her baptism last year, Aunt Tiffany gave her a certificate to get live butterflies. This month, the caterpillars came in the mail and it was so fun to watch them. Within a few days, they started turning into chrysalises. Then we waited a week or so and we woke up one morning to find 2 butterflies! Within a few days, all 6 butterflies were out! We gave them watermelon and some flowers from our garden. We watched them for about a week, then we took them out one morning & let them go. We even got to have a couple of them perch on our hands before flying away! The caterpillar who came out last had a crumpled wing that never straightened L He could not fly, so we kept him & fed him for about another week before he died, but it was such a neat thing to see & we’ll always remember our butterflies!

-McKinley worked so hard to make Father’s Day special for daddy. She made a box into a treasure chest and made all the clues and made sweet cards for him. She is so sweet!

-McKinley had a great time at the staycation and went on lots of the water rides with daddy at Lagoon-a-beach even when her sisters were too cold to go.

-Mom appreciates McKinley’s help – especially when she needs to run a child to a lesson quickly & leaves McKinley in charge for a few minutes. McKinley is also good at helping with Noelle when mom needs it.

-With our new (older) piano that was given to us, McKinley is excited about learning the piano! Grandma Potts gave her a couple mini-lessons during the staycation and McKinley has been practicing here & there at home & is starting to get good!

-One morning, McKinley was so sweet! She brought EVERYONE breakfast in bed! Thanks McKinley!

IRELAND:

-Ireland started gymnastics this month! She goes on Monday & Wednesday afternoons & is doing great & having fun! It is in the basement of a lady’s home and has LOTS of mats, beams, a rope, and a bar. Ireland is learning new things every day and can now do a cartwheel on the beam by herself and is working on back walkovers!

-Ireland did a backflip on the trampoline all by herself!!

-Ireland lost another tooth!

-One day Ireland asked why we had eyelids. Mom asked her what she thought would happen if we didn’t have eyelids & Ireland said “We’d have to walk around and just keep looking at everything!”

-When we went to Ladybug Nursery to get our vegetable plants, we let the girls play in the sandbox there. When we came to get them to go home, mom saw Ireland with her face all the way in the sand. When asked why she was doing that, Ireland replied “What? I was trying to be a face tractor!”

-Ireland can be such a great helper for mom. One day, mom asked her to make some Ramen Noodles (she can do it all by herself) while she was trying to get something done on the computer. Ireland was making the Ramen Noodles, but then she would hear Noelle fuss in mom’s room, so she was going back & forth between the dinner and helping Noelle. QUITE the little mother & helper!

KEZIA:

-When we were in Richfield at the beginning of the month, Kezi was outside with the dogs at the Reeds. They must have gotten excited & jumped up on her because she came in screaming with a rip in her shirt and a huge scratch down her back.

-Kezia’s thoughtful things this month: Making & giving mom tickets to “the ball” with daddy, picking LOTS of flowers and putting them in glass jars and giving them to mom, coloring pictures for friends, teachers, cousins, grandparents, sisters, etc.

-One Sunday we were enjoying the backyard together. Kezia came up to mom & dad and said “Dad – I heard your neighbor not listening to church music. Uh oh, right? He might get in prophet trouble!”

-One day during the sacrament, Kezia whispered loudly to mom “Why don’t we get mints if it’s the sacra-MINT?”

-Hip Hip Hooray! Kezia has done SO well with staying dry at night! She got to choose a special cereal to eat. Great job Kezi!

-Instead of saying “First one wins, last one is a rotten egg!,” Kezia says “First one to get there is Elsa, last one is Hans!”

-When Ireland lost her tooth, mom overheard Kezia saying to her “I’m so happy for you that you lost your tooth Ireland!”

-Kezia had fun at Lagoon, but still doesn’t like to go on the bigger rides. We convinced her to go on a small roller coaster, but she had a grouchy face the whole time. Afterwards, we asked her why she didn’t like it & she said “It went too fast. And I felt like I was going to tip out!”

-Kezia did NOT like the Taylorsville Dayzz fireworks. She made daddy take her inside Aunt Deb’s house & they watched them from the window L

-Kezia is so good about fixing mom’s hair every night while mom reads Narnia. She gets out about 30 flowers & bows and makes mom’s hair look so pretty!

LINK:

We sure missed our boy this month at the staycation – he would have had fun at the splash park, the aquarium, and Lagoon. It’s still hard to see boys that are his age & wonder what he would look like & act like at 19 months. One day  Heidi’s friend, Anna, texted her and said that she just heard Link’s song (thousand years) on Pandora. Then a minute later, she said it was directly followed by Charlie’s song (somewhere over the rainbow)! That was so heartwarming to hear! We miss you, our duder-dude!! We still feel that huge hole you left in our family and home.

NOELLE:

-Noelle is sure growing up this month. She is just getting more beautiful and fun every day.

-She still has SO much hair! Mom finally broke down and trimmed the back a bit so it didn’t look quite so mullet-ish J

-Noelle really has started to laugh & it’s SO SO sweet! Mom has yet to capture it on video, but it is so much fun.

-Noelle tends to get a rash on her neck as yucky spit up or slobber gets in there. We have to diligent about keeping it clean.

-Noelle’s 2 month doctor visit went pretty well. She has dropped in her weight percentile – from 35% to 13% (she’s about 10 lbs), but Dr. Polson said she’s growing & looks great. She wasn’t too happy about the shots, though L

-Noelle is quite a little tooter & they are STINKY toots, too!

-Her stomach is getting strong and she can bring her knees up to her chest and touch her toes.

-She still loves to play with her little jungle gym and hit the hanging things to make the music go.

-She also is getting good with being able to put her hands together in front of her.

-Noelle is still quite vocal and can mimic many sounds. Her little squeals and “words” are SO SO CUTE!

-Noelle’s sisters still adore her and cannot seem to get enough of her. Ireland especially!

-She still a pretty good sleeper at night – usually going from 5-6 hours straight, which is really nice. She’s still sleeping in her little vibrator chair. Her naps, though, are getting trickier & she really doesn’t ever want to be put down. Mom was able to put her down in her swing or her vibrator chair or even the pack n’ play, but now she’s having a really hard time being put down & only wants to be held!

-Many mornings when Noelle wakes up earlier than 8, mom will bring her to bed with her & nurse her in the bed and cuddle with her for a while. That is precious, sweet time as the light of the morning fills the room and she gets to be closer  to her sunrise baby girl.

-Noelle has been quite the traveler this month & thankfully has done really well for the most part!

-She loves to put her hands in her mouth & is really working at finding her thumb!

-Her legs are getting stronger & she can stand on your lap for a little while!

-We just love her sweet smiles. She likes to stick out her tongue a little bit when she smiles & it’s SO cute!

-Kalli is such a good cousin and was so good to hold Noelle – even when she was fussy – and she is so good at making her laugh & smile J

-Mom thought Noelle would have a hard time at the Taylorsville fireworks show – it was really late & they were really loud, but she really did GREAT! She just laid there on the blanket and watched them the whole time!

May Newsletter & Slideshow

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FAMILY:  Whew! May is over & we survived the last month of the school year! Hooray! May was filled with end-of-year school activities – field trips, homework, projects, programs, and the mini mall. And all that with trying to keep up with the needs of a newborn. We sure love our Noelle and have enjoyed her so much! The Share (pregnancy & infant loss) group of Southern Utah had their first walk of remembrance & hope on May 10^th & we are so thankful for the support we received from our family! The Edwards & Potts drove down and the Hamiltons & Devishes drove up. There were probably 250 people there & it was a humbling, wonderful tribute to the babies we have lost. Heidi put together a poster and a shirt transfer for Link. After the walk, we came back to our house for pizza and visiting – and Jeff helped Jason install some shelves in our garage – thanks Jeff! Later that afternoon, our family, the Edwards & Potts drive down to St. George to visit Uncle Fred & Sandra. Then Heidi, Jason & Noelle stayed in St. George to have a little getaway for their 14^th wedding anniversary. Thanks Edwards & Potts for taking care of the older girls! Heidi, Jason & Noelle went out to eat and just enjoyed spending time and relaxing. The complimentary breakfast was also very good the next morning, which was Mother’s Day. Unfortunately, the Edwards and Potts who were at our home in Cedar City didn’t get such a good breakfast. A huge snow storm hit Cedar City and left about a foot of snow on the ground as well as knocking out the power for a few hours. Thankfully they were able to get heat from the stove and fireplaces and by the time Jason & Heidi got there about noon, the power was back on. It was still out at the church, though, and church ended up being cancelled. The Potts & Edwards got on the road quickly, but it took them 5 and a half hours instead of 3 because of the weather. The girls were very sweet on Mother’s Day & showered Heidi with lots of homemade cards and gifts. It was very sweet. The 12^th was Heidi & Jason’s anniversary, but also a meeting for McKinley’s upcoming play and an arts night at the girls’ school. It was very cute – McKinley & Ireland both did a little performance & we got to see some of the art they had been doing. On the 14^th, we headed to St. George to catch Camri’s band performance & a little of Daken’s baseball. Afterwards, we headed to DQ for some yummy ice cream! On the 16^th, we had a BBQ/water party with the Bealers. Good times J The 23^rd was the girls’ last day of school for the year – hooray! Heidi sent them to school with bag lunches that said “Ireland/McKinley’s last lunch of the 1^st/2^nd day!!” After their last day of school, we decided to go summer shopping! We went to the D.I. & got some summer clothes, then to Famous Footwear for some nice running shoes for all the girls. After all that shopping, we had a pizza/ice cream party. Yay for summer! Heidi rolled out about 8 feet of butcher paper & let the girls write things they wanted to do this summer. We have quite the bucket list! Mom shouldn’t ever hear the “bored” word J That next Saturday we (mostly dad) worked hard getting the side yard ready – leveling out all the dirt and finishing the retaining walls. Now it’s all ready for our garden boxes!! That evening, we went to the Hillsteads & enjoyed a yummy BBQ and visiting.  On Monday, we went swimming and to the cemetery. We met with Jason’s co-worker who very recently lost his son and we also saw our neighbors there. Afterwards, Jason took the girls fishing & they had a fun time. After Jason finished work on the 29^th, we headed to Salt Lake for a quick trip. Friday, the 30^th, was Heidi’s cousin Ivory’s wedding dinner in Mapleton. Saturday the 31st, McKinley & Kezia did a 5k walk with the Potts’ stake and then later we headed to Lehi for Ivory’s wedding and reception. It was very beautiful, the food was yummy, and it was wonderful to visit with family.

JASON:  Jason had a busy month with scouts – working with the young men to get their eagles completed before their missions, and also helping with their mission prep. He attended an Eagle Scout court of Honor for Mitchell Beacham and was given an Eagle Scout Mentor Pin. Way to go!! He is such a great leader & mentor. He was also busy at work and assisted in heading up an intense budget meeting at the end of the month. Here at home he stayed busy – fixing sprinkler heads that his wife broke while mowing (sorry babe!) and working very hard to get the side yard ready for garden boxes.

 HEIDI: Heidi is still in the throes of newborn-mommy brain fog, but she is truly enjoying the time she spends with Noelle. She has decided to only check facebook on Fridays now, so she can focus on her new baby girl and her other children & husband, and that has helped a lot to free up time and priorities. She has started running again and is up to five (very slow) miles currently, working on getting ready for the half marathon in September. She enjoyed meeting new people at the Share walk and reading stories of so many babies taken too soon. She enjoyed making Link’s poster and shirt transfer and sharing his story. Mother’s Day was different with church being cancelled, but it was wonderful to spend time with those that made me a mother. For Mother’s Day, she got a maxi skirt from the Share Walk. We also had a little mother’s day retreat in Salt Lake at the end of the month, with a waffle breakfast, shopping at Gardner Village, and ice cream at Cold Stone. Heidi has also been spending her time working on Ireland’s birthday book and she FINALLY FINISHED transferring grandma’s VHS & Hi8 tapes. YAY!!!!!

McKINLEY:

-McKinley worked so hard at the beginning of the month on her Activity Days Mother’s Day program. She practiced “Be our Guest” almost every night and she made a beautiful pillow. It was so special to go with McKinley to the church and have yummy food, play games, watch her sing “Be Our Guest,” make bracelets, get our pictures taken, and just be with her special, sweet, beautiful daughter. Thank you McKinley for such a special day!

-Another testament to McKinley’s thoughtfulness was teacher appreciation week. Not only did she write a sweet note for Mrs. Hardin, her teacher, but she wrote probably 8 other notes for other teachers, secretaries, and even janitors!

-McKinley did a special performance at the Randall L. Jones Theater – it was a math/arts presentation and she was the leader of a small group of her classmates doing a dance about the tasks of the day – going fast or slow. She did a great job!!

-At the North Elementary Arts Night, McKinley’s class did a rendition of Persius in Greek Mythology. She was Athena, the goddess of knowledge. She also played a mermaid. She was wonderful!

-McKinley did an animal habitat report & chose to do it on the tundra J She made animals out of play doh and made a snow scene from a cardboard box.

-McKinley still has fear of being alone at night, so her sisters still sleep with her. She also has fear of taking showers alone. She had a nightmare about mom and dad’s room, so she doesn’t want to take a shower in there, and she says the swirls in the cultured marble of the girls’ shower remind her of witches and things, so she doesn’t want to take a shower in there!

 -McKinley worked hard this month on the mini-mall for her school. She made LOTS of neat bracelets, caramel popcorn balls, and she bought some candy to sell. She did really well! She sold all her bracelets, all but 3 of her popcorn balls, and just a handful of candy. She said she made over 500 liMe tickets! She had a lot of fun and also learned some lessons, like charging more. A guy in the booth next to her bought a lot of her bracelets for 2 tickets each, then sold them for 4 tickets each!  We will be charging more next year J

-McKinley got to have one last playdate with her friend MJ (Mary Jane) before she moved to Oregon L She will miss her friend!

-McKinley did such a great job this school year and we are excited for the upcoming years. They assigned her to the 2^nd/3^rd grade for next year and we are checking into that – we want her to be challenged for the next year, too! McKinley is sad that her teacher, Mrs. Hardin, is going to a different school and she won’t be able to see her after school L

-McKinley is still loving her baby sister and is so good to help with bringing her to mom, putting in her binki, getting her a blanket, reading a story to her, or just smiling and talking to her.

-McKinley is excited for the summer & especially her play rehearsals, which start next month!

IRELAND:

-Ireland got to go on lots of field trips, including going to the park to see some hawks and eagles!

-Ireland’s art night performance was so cute. First, they sang a cute song about what it is like to be a teacher, a parent, and an old person. Then they did a math play, where the audience had to come up with the answer to their equation that they acted out. Ireland was a fairy with beautiful wings and she did a wonderful job!

-Her class was learning about animals and they had to choose an animal to do a report on. Ireland chose the cheetah – “because they’re SO fast!”. She worked with mom on her poster and her oral report. At the end of the report, she said a joke – “what animal do you not want to sit by in a test?... a Cheetah!” J

-Ireland had fun at the mini mall at school. For her LiMe tickets, she bought a beautiful face painting, she got her nails painted, and she bought candy J

-Ireland had a “portfolio party” at the end of the school year & mom got to come in and see many of the science, arts & math projects Ireland had been working on this past year. They were awesome – great job Ireland!

-Ireland got the award “class peacemaker” – we love that & are so proud of her!

-Ireland had a fun playdate with Isabella at her new house – they played for 6 hours!

-One morning Ireland was playing with Noelle on the floor. She looked up at mom & dad and asked “When Noelle dies, will we do a Noelle chain instead of a Link chain?” We were a bit stunned by the question, but explained that we are really hoping that Noelle will not die. Ireland is so cute with her still and will lay by her and talk to her and kiss her repeatedly. We still have to try and convince her that even babies need space.

-We were doing our summer bucket list and we had lots of fun things on there – the park, flying kites, riding bikes, going to the movies, etc. Ireland added “Disneyland.” Hmmm- we don’t quite have the budget this summer for Disneyland J so mom changed it to Disney movie week. Ireland changed it back.

-Ireland is sad that her good friend, Mahina, is going to be gone for the summer L

-When we got to Salt Lake, Ireland woke up the next morning with an eye swollen shut and pink L Dad took her to the instacare & we got some eye drops for her, but now it’s spread to the other eye!

-Ireland is starting gymnastics next month – she is SO excited!

-This summer Ireland is looking forward to camping and her birthday!

KEZIA:

-Kezia got to go on a field trip to a local farm – she saw lots of animals & even got to hold a baby lamb!

-Kezi’s end of year assessment was wonderful! She has mastered all the skills they had for her – and more!

-Kezia is sad that preschool is over and she won’t get to see Callie anymore. She was also in tears about not seeing her teacher Lynette as well.

-We went to the park one day and mom asked why Kezi wore her dress. She replied “Because I wanted to show everyone my twirls!”

-One night she came into mom’s room complaining of a sore throat. She said “I think my throat hurts cuz I ate strawberry seeds and then kissed dirt. And then I drank water.”

-Kezi missed church for pinkeye one Sunday. Mom read that breastmilk can cure pink eye. So she got an eye dropper and gave it to her a few times a day. She wasn’t cooperating, so mom told her she’d get an M&M. Kezi said “That’s too short of a treat!”

-One night, for some reason, Kezia INSISTED on wearing pajama pants on her head to bed.

-Kezia continues to be so thoughtful – coloring multiple pictures & writing notes & drawing hearts to give to others. Lately, her thing has been to say she’s going outside to write with chalk, but the doorbell will ring and mom will find all sorts of cute notes on the doorstep. One day, the doorbell rang about 10 times, each with a note from Heidi’s “sisters” and a cute saying on it with hearts J

-Mom and Dad went on the back deck to enjoy the night after they put the kids to bed. After 20 minutes or so, we could hear loud crying. It was Kezi – she couldn’t find us and was so scared. We let her come out on the deck with us and she calmed down as she looked at the night sky. She said “look – there’s a rocket ship! I can see it moving!” Then she asked “Dad – which one is the Peter Pan star?”

-Kezi has decided she likes to wear her pants backwards lately.

-This summer, Kezi is most looking forward to seeing her grandparents, cousins, and going to Lagoon!

LINK:

We thought about Link a lot this month. It was so neat to honor him at the Share walk at the beginning of the month and we all wear our Link shirts with pride. Also at the end of the month, it was neat to go to the cemetery with so many others for Memorial Day and remember our baby boy. Heidi put some QR codes on the top of his headstone, so people could scan them and it would take them to her blog that tells about Link’s story and also his bench. We love the “magical hour” of the day – about 7pm – when the rainbows come through the windows and we think of Link. One day, mom was heading out with the girls to run errands and she looked up in the sky to see a cloud in the perfect shape of a heart! Then later, she heard Link’s song and she felt his love. Also – a lady from Hawaii contacted Heidi as she found the picture of the Link’s bench’s forget-me-nots online and talked about how touched she was to read his story and asked permission to use the picture of his forget-me-nots for a little book she’s doing for her grandkids.

NOELLE:

-Noelle is almost 2 months old now! She is getting cuter and more fun by the minute! We all adore our baby sunrise girl.

-She is starting to really smile consistently. She loves it when we stick out our tongue at her, sing to her, make clicking sounds, and monkey noises.

-Noelle is really starting to talk! It’s so adorable – she coos, goos, and does and excited shriek J

-She rotates during the day from the carpet in the living room, to the portable swing, to her vibrator chair, to the big swing, to the cow chair, and – of course – to her carseat when we have to go anywhere, which is quite frequently.

-She has started sleeping longer at night – the longest she’s gone now is 7 hours & we are enjoying the extra sleep for now! J

-She is eating well and starting to fill out. She still eats every 2-3 hours & has grown out of her newborn things.

-Noelle still has LOTS of dark, dark hair. It gets pretty crazy-looking sometimes –especially in the morning. She takes after her daddy J

-Noelle loves to stare at the pictures of her brother, Link, on the wall. We sure wish she could really talk and tell us about her experiences with him!

-The old overhead jungle gym broke L so we bought one that was as close to the old one as possible (which was harder to find that we thought!) with things that hang down that she can hit and the music will go off. She is starting to really love it and is getting good at hitting the things and making the music go. She will smile and talk as she hangs out under there. It’s so cute.

-So far, she’s been a pretty good traveler! She was fussy here & there, but overall did really great on our trip to Salt Lake!

-She still doesn’t have a lot of strength in her legs, but her neck is getting pretty strong!

-She is still so loud & we hear every sound because she sleeps with us – hiccups, snorts, grunts, coughs, and everything in-between. She is a loud sleeper!

-Noelle is finally not spitting up as much as the first month or so. But she still does every so often. When we were in St. George (and a couple more times, actually), mom fed Noelle & then patted her on her chest & Noelle proceeded to puke right down her shirt!

-She still gets the hiccups quite frequently!

-Noelle is SO loved by her parents & sisters (& brother). We love our time with her and to see who can get her to smile and talk. She is sweet and usually very good-natured. 

Trust

I have briefly mentioned that since Noelle is here, I have much more joy - and more fear. 
I think I need to "get real" here and expand on my faith vs. fear battle since her arrival. 

It's hard. And it can truly be exhausting, physically and mentally. In many ways, I feel like a new parent. So many fears. Except... I am not like a new parent. Because a new parent still has the luxury of innocence. They are not sure what to expect.When I put McKinley down for a nap, I expected her to be alive when I checked on her. And she was. So was Ireland and Kezia. Link was not, and that has forever changed me as a person and as a mother. So, again, while I don't expect Noelle to die... I don't expect her not to, either. It's always in the back of my mind. It's hard to find peace. I try to sleep when she sleeps during the day (when I can), but it's hard to let myself relax. Losing a loved one, especially a child that you were supposed to be in charge of, and especially from SIDS where they don't know WHY it happened, does funny things to your brain. You make illogical correlations and irrational assumptions. I hear her make noises when she sleeps and I think "Good. okay. I know she's alive." And then, I think "but what if Link made little noises like that, too, right before he died? What if he struggled? What if that means she is going to die if I don't check on her?" So, I do. I check on her. Again and again. Is her color okay? Can I see her chest rising and falling? Is the blanket anywhere near her face? Is she strapped in? 

I tell myself to not freak out. I tell myself she's not going to die. I tell myself "I have to trust that it's going to be okay this time because she's sleeping in our room or close by me all the time. I have to trust that the Snuza will go off if she stops breathing. I have to trust that she is strapped in so she can't roll over." 

But at the end of the day, these things are not enough to put my trust in. I know that I could have her in my arms all the time, I could have the Snuza on her 24/7, etc, etc, etc... and she could still die. 

19 And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins; nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted." 2 Nephi 4:19

I realize that I cannot put my trust in myself, or the Snuza, or strapping her in... or anything. It doesn't mean that I will stop doing these things, but it does mean that I acknowledge that I can't put my trust there.  I need to put my trust in the Lord.  And that's HARD, because when Link died, I felt like my trust was betrayed. I trusted Him, and He took my baby away. Over the past year or so, I've struggled with that, and I do not by any means have a perfect faith now, but I do realize that trusting the Lord doesn't mean that my life will be easy, that we will always have money, or that those I love won't die. It simply means that I trust Him to direct my life. I trust Him that whatever happens will be for my ultimate good. My ultimate growth. My bigger-picture-plan. 

We read the story of Jesus walking on water the other night:

³⁰ But when he saw the wind, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried out, saying, Lord, save me.

³¹ And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and took hold of him, and saith unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?

And I realized that I am much like Peter in this story. When the winds of doubt and fear come into my mind and get overtaken with thoughts of "what if," I start panicking. Drowning. But I know when that happens, I need to redirect my sight (trust) to the Lord. If I keep my gaze on Him, I won't sink. I will be able to ignore the storm swirling around me and instead enjoy the miracle of walking on the water - i.e. being in the moment with my loved ones and just enjoying the seconds, minutes, hours, and days that I get to spend with them. 

Noelle's 2 week Photoshoot!

I already posted these on FB, but there are some people who don't do FB, so I thought I'd post them here, too. We had these done when Noelle was 2 weeks old. She - like all my other babies - didn't cooperate so well with pictures. They've never just slept through the whole thing and let the photographer position them at will. Nope. They are wide awake and fussy and they don't understand what's going on. We had maybe 5 minutes where she slept (and we did get a few cute ones in), but most of the time she was awake & fussy. Oh well! We still got some sweet ones. :-) I always meant to get professional pictures of Link, but with the whole hospital fiasco and everything, I never did. And it always breaks my heart... so I'm so thankful for these pictures of our sunrise baby. We love her SO much!!

https://picasaweb.google.com/103753336633055957263/Noelle2WeekPhotoshoot

Share Walk

Whew! There has been so much going on lately - so many things at the girls' school, life with a newborn, Mother's Day, and our 14th Anniversary. But I definitely wanted to talk about the Share Walk of Remembrance & Hope that was held yesterday.

I don't think I've written a whole lot on this blog about our local Share group. In the hospital, we were not given any information on grieving - no pamphlets, no support. But the local Share group came and brought a big bag full of sweet gifts for myself and the girls - as well as information on the local support group they have for pregnancy/infant loss.

I went to that first meeting when I was only a couple weeks out from Link's death. It was hard, but so freeing to talk to these ladies that I knew understood the pain and agony I was in. I haven't gone to every support or service meeting, but I've made it to many & I truly feel a special bond with these ladies. They are AMAZING. Many of them have endured multiple losses. Many of them drop everything they are doing at a call from the hospital to go hold the hand of a stranger who has lost a baby and cry with them and tell them "I understand." That is something every bereaved parent needs to hear. Or they go to the hospital and take pictures of these tiny angels who are no longer breathing. Those last pictures mean so much.

Yesterday, we had a walk to remember our precious babies, and to bring awareness to this group, so they can have the financial support and support from our medical community to help those who have lost.

I am so thankful for my sister with 3 of her kids and my parents who drove all the way from Salt Lake to support us, as well as Jason's parents from Richfield and his brother's family from St.George. Also, our amazing friends, the Bealers come to support us. I made a poster to put alongside the other sweet posters telling about our babies. I also put a transfer onto the shirts with Link's picture. At the park, there was a beautiful prayer said. A touching poem read. A sweet song sung. An amazing balloon release. The walk was beautiful and wonderful and seeing not only my family with Link's name on their shirts and in their hears, but probably 250 more people with names on their shirts and in their hearts, all saying YOU WILL NOT BE FORGOTTEN!

It was a beautiful thing.

If you couldn't come & want to donate, you can do so @ http://www.southernutahshare.com/ Thanks again for all who support this wonderful group!

Had to make sure Noelle had a shirt, too 

My parents

Kezi

The transfer of Link I put on all our shirts

Camri & Canyon

I love to see the cousins from both sides hang out together :) 

Heading for the walk

Link's poster

Love every person! 

April Newsletter & Slideshow

https://plus.google.com/photos/103753336633055957263/albums/6010068706209973185?banner=pwa

FAMILY:  April was very busy and wonderful. After some unfortunate car trouble (Cindy’s tire blew on the freeway), the Edwards were able to come to visit us from April 1 – 6^th. We had fun – the kids played together, Cindy helped Heidi make 26 freezer meals (yay!), Cindy made Heidi a nursing blanket, playing at the park, going to McDonald’s, having a “tea party”, going for a walk on the East Canyon Park trail, going to the movies – we saw Nut Job, and Jason took the kids swimming while Cindy and Heidi went out to eat at the Pastry Pub. Also – on the 3^rd – the girls all got their hair chopped! They went to the salon & Kylee Low cut all their hair, at least 12 inches! On the 5^th & 6^th, the kids had fun being creative while we watched general conference. Grandma Potts & GG Tew came on Sunday and watched the second session with us and we even saved them some homemade sweet rolls J Tuesday, April 8^th, was a big day for our family – we welcomed the newest member! Noelle Eve Hamilton made her entrance at 10:50am. For more information on Noelle, see her section. We have all been so thankful and excited to have her here!! She had to stay an extra day to be under the billi lights for jaundice, but we got to come home on the 10^th and after all we went through with Link, it was so nice to just take her home. We’ve had so many friends, ward members & neighbors bring meals and gifts for Noelle. She has quite the wardrobe of new clothes & blankets! They are each so special & we are so thankful for everyone’s generosity. Grandma Potts stayed for almost 2 weeks to help out – thanks grandma!!! Also, Grandma Devenish, Aunt Kim, & the Hamiltons all made a trip to meet the newest member of the family. The Bensons arrived on the evening of the 10^th & had fun meeting Noelle. Other fun activities with the Bensons included eating Grandma Potts’ cotton candy, going to the St. George Children’s Museum and splash park, going to McDonalds, going on a hike, painting, and having a movie night. Our girls’ spring break was from the 16-18^th and we mostly relaxed at home, enjoying Noelle. We did work out in the yard a bit, though, and Jason & the older girls met the Bealers at the park and they played, flew kites & had a picnic. Easter was the 20^th of April this year and even though mom stayed home with Noelle, we still took pictures of our family in our new dresses and after church, we headed to the cemetery to visit Link’s bench. Overall, we have loved the warmer weather – watching the flowers come up and the trees get their leaves. And we have all loved getting to see so many loved ones who have come to celebrate our new arrival!

JASON: Jason was able to take some time off this month to enjoy visits from both sides of the family & the Bensons. He enjoyed hiking with McKinley & Ireland and exploring the Spring Canyon area. Jason stayed in the hospital the first night after Noelle was born and was so good to help out. He is such a great hands-on daddy – holding, burping, and changing diapers – even when Noelle pees all over him J He has been good to take the girls to church by himself as well and the girls love to help him get dressed – picking out his shirt and his cologne. Jason had some bad news at the end of the month – one of his coworker’s son died. We are so heartbroken for their family and have been praying every day for them.

 HEIDI: Heidi is so thankful that her baby girl is out of her belly & in her arms! It’s SO nice to be able to breathe & sleep (at least somewhat) again J At the beginning of the month, Heidi went to Walmart & it was a very windy day. She opened her van door and the wind blasted it open – right into the door of the car next to her, leaving a big dent L She left a note and it turned out it was the car of a family in the ward. We are working with them on taking care of the damage. Another big bummer this month was that Heidi dropped her phone & it’s all cracked now L  Heidi was so very thankful that she was dilated enough to set an induction date! She was so thankful to hold Noelle for the first time and hear her cries. She now knows many, many women who did not hear their baby’s cries when they were born. Having a new baby obviously brings sleep deprivation, and there is most definitely an added anxiety with worrying about losing Noelle. Heidi checks on her many MANY more times than she ever did her other babies – checking her color, checking her breathing, but she has brought so much joy as well. It is so healing to have another baby to hold and feed and love.  She was also thankful that labor was pretty fast and her epidural was good J

McKINLEY:

-McKinley came home with a flyer to try out for the new children’s musical theater production – Suessical. She practiced so hard! She did really well & made call-backs & earned a place in the musical as Pearl Noodled Finch as a singing part. WAY TO GO McKINLEY! We’re so proud of you! Rehearsals are over the summer with the play at the end of August. We know she is going to do great & hope it’s a wonderful experience for her. She already has a friend that is in her cast – Emma Beacham.

-When her cousins were here & we were going to go pick something up, McKinley didn’t want to go & begged to stay behind. She said “Please let me & Michael stay home! We’re older… and he knows karate!”

-McKinley’s class went on SEVEN field trips in April! Some of the places included to SUU to celebrate Shakespeare’s birthday and to Snow Canyon for a long hike!

-One morning for breakfast, McKinley had written everyone sweet notes and put them in their places. She also drew a picture of our whole family (including Link & Tundra) and cut it up into a puzzle for us to put together J

-For activity days, McKinley did quilts and the activity days girls surprised her and us by giving us one of the quilts for Noelle!

-McKinley is so excited to have her sister here. She is a very big helper with Noelle and is good to hold her, bring her to us,  get her binki, and burp her.

IRELAND:

-Ireland has once again resumed the role of “baby obsesser.” First thing in the morning & after she gets home from school, she has to know where Noelle is. We are constantly telling her to give Noelle some space – especially when she’s sleeping. She is a helper, too, though and is good about getting things we need for her as well as singing to her, talking to her, and just being with her. She also loves (like she did with Link) to take her little hand and rub in down her face. She was a bit worried when we had to stay an extra day at the hospital for her jaundice. Mom assured her we’d be home the next day, but Ireland still remembered Link and said “how do you know? How you do know you will be home tomorrow?”

-We love listening to Mindy Gledhill and one of our favorite songs of hers is “Hourglass.” The song says “Oh..Life’s an hourglass.” Mom heard Ireland singing it the other day & she was singing “Oh… Life’s an outer blast.” J

-Ireland was arguing with her sister & was complaining to mom. She said “But she used a violent voice!”

-Ireland was excited she got to have Joshua AND Sienna come stay with us for a while. So much fun!

KEZIA:

-Kezia is excited about her baby sister, too, although she’s not quite as infatuated as Ireland or McKinley. She does love her baby sister, though, and enjoys our mornings together.

-Kezi LOVED having Grandma Potts here for so long. She definitely would have kept her here if it was up to her.

-Mom took the girls to the park one day and in the car she said “Mom – you get a super mom card” – she gets “super-kid” cards at preschool, so mom was pretty happy to get a “super-mom” card J

-Kezia seems to have gotten her sister’s ability for creativity. She decided to put on a treasure hunt one day. Mom was going to go on her treasure hunt, but Kezi stopped her, saying “there are no pajamas allowed on my treasure hunt.    Period.”

-Mom complained about something daddy did and said “naughty daddy.” Kezia said “yeah… you should pick a new husband.”

-For some reason, Kezia is VERY against saying the word cute. Do not call her hair cut, or her picture, or her clothes “cute.” She gets really upset. She thinks cute is only for babies and she wants you to say “beautiful.”

-She also has banned us calling her anything but KeziA. Not Kezi. Not Kez. Only K-E-Z-I-A. It takes a lot of getting used to because we are all so used to shortening her name.

-Kezia’s favorite scripture story is Jonah and the whale. She knows that we can’t ever hide from God. She says “Jesus can see you every day – even in a barrel!”

-Kezia wanted to do something that wasn’t okay & mom said “I’m not letting you because I’m the mom.” So Kezia replied “Well, then you have to be the dad.”

-Kezia still LOVES the movie Frozen and loves to take mom’s phone and record herself singing “Let it Go.”

LINK:

We know Link was there as we welcomed Noelle into the world. Jason gave Heidi a special blessing the evening before Noelle’s birth and we both felt like Link was close and watching over his sister. To the hospital we brought 2 pictures of Link & Heidi wore her “Link earrings” and her Link bracelet. The day we brought Noelle home, there seemed to be more rainbows that usual in our home – on almost all the walls in the living room. Jason & Heidi both felt like Link was overjoyed to have his sister here. Heidi brought Noelle to her brother’s bench a couple days after Noelle’s birth and talked to him and thanked him and reassured him that he will never be forgotten or replaced. Noelle does seem to focus a lot on Link’s pictures in our home. We pray they will have a strong bond.

NOELLE:

Welcome to the world – and welcome to our family Noelle! Heidi did a whole blog post about Noelle’s birth, but the short version is that Heidi chose to be induced on April 8^th because we already have birthdays on the 5, 6, 7 & 9^th, so Noelle fills that gap J Our appointment was for 4am and she was here by 10:50. At the end, there were some scary moments with her heart decelerations and different things, but she got here safe, sound & healthy. She had to stay an extra day for jaundice. She didn’t like the billi bed too much, so we’re glad she only had to do that for one day. We were so thankful to get here home!! Grandma & her sisters had made a welcome home sign as well as making a “sunrise/rainbow” cake and some beautiful, colorful flowers. She is sure a loud baby at night with all her grunts, squeaks, hiccups, coughs, etc. Her mommy checks on her a Lot. Noelle is more of a spit-up baby than any of the other kids & we are going through a LOT of burp cloths and clothes. Good thing she was given so many new clothes! Noelle really has some frog legs and can fully put her feet flat on her diaper. She also seems to be infatuated with her hands and is constantly putting them on her face, only to get a surprised look like someone did it to her. We were a bit worried when Noelle hadn’t had a BM for a day or so once we got home from the hospital, but the next day she started and hasn’t stopped! One time when daddy was changing her diaper, she peed ALL over his shirt & pants! When Noelle was 2 weeks old, we went over to Jessica Dupass’ home for Noelle’s photoshoot. Like her siblings, she wasn’t very cooperative. She was awake and pretty fussy most of the time, although we did get about 5 minutes where she slept and we snapped as many pictures as possible. Noelle’s sisters love her VERY much and can’t wait to show her off to all their family & friends. Noelle still struggles with keeping up with Heidi’s milk supply, but hopefully soon we’ll get that down J Even after almost a month, she still has quite the head of dark hair. It is beautiful! She definitely has more hair than any of her siblings had. For now, she sleeps in the little vibrator chair – swaddled, but strapped in & with the Snuza monitor on her. One night it went off a few times (we think it was the way she was strapped in), but it definitely scared us! We are thankful for the monitor, though. Noelle loves to lay on a blanket in the living room and stare at the light coming in to the windows. Overall, she is a very sweet, cute baby and we are SO VERY thankful to have her in our family!