Perfection.

So... I guess I've been a little out of the loop. I didn't know about the Single Dad Laughing blog. Nope. Just saw a link yesterday on FB & took a peek.

This post.

Wow. So much good stuff in there. Please read.

I was glad I did. Know why?

Because I, too, suffer from the "perfection disease."

You see, we are moving in a week and every time we move I say to myself "OK, Heidi. Here is your chance! You can start over! People don't know you there. They haven't seen all your faults and problems - your home or your children in disarray. You can start from scratch. You can get to church 20 minutes early. You and all your children and husband dressed to perfection - not a hair out of place. You will smile at EVERYone. You will make wise comments in your classes. You will make lots of friends. You will have people over after church and your home will be immaculate. They will walk in and smell the aroma of fresh-baked break and slow-cooker mastery. You will invite them to stay for dinner and your children will be oh-so-sweet, kind, and full of manners. Then everyone will think you are perfect!"

First of all, the reality is - of course - that this scenario will never happen. Most likely it will be all I can do to GET to church, let alone on time, let alone with everyone looking Sunday best. I will probably not make any comments - either because I'm afraid I'll say something dumb or because I will be cleaning off my dress from Kezi spilling some sort of thing on me. I'll come home & things will be messy. Shoes, toys, clothes on the floor. Maybe some dishes still on the table or in the sink - and my children will be running around yelling/fighting/making messes.

The thing is that after reading that post, I'm going to not shoot for scenario #1 anymore. Nope. I think I'm opting to be a real girl. It won't be easy. Not with all these pseudo models of perfection all around me. But I'm going to try real hard.

You know, I've been thinking lately that if I had one super-human power, it wouldn't be that I could knock down a building in one punch. Or that I could shoot laser beams with my eyes. Or even that I could fly (although that one is in the top 5)... It would be that I would absolutely, positively, NEVER be able to compare myself with another human being. Inspired by someone? Sure! But the whole "She has X, Y, Z - and I don't even have A" - that would go for sure. Can you imagine the possibilities? Think about how much energy we would gain by NOT comparing ourselves to another person. To look in the mirror at my gym class & only focus on what I am trying to accomplish, instead of thinking "Geez... why I can't I have her shoulders? or... wow - look at how much weight she has on! or... if only I had hair like that..." To truly, sincerely be happy for others' sucesses, and truly, sincerely seek those who could use help - all without comparing them with myself. What freedom!

So - I'm going to try to take the challenge & start today. Here's my REAL self:

Hello - my name is Heidi and I am co-dependent. I am often selfish & I tend to overreact and get emotional about little things. I often have a cluttered home. 5 days out of 7, I let my older 2 children dress themselves and fix their own hair. I've had weight/body issues for probably 24 out of almost 32 years of my life. I always feel behind on memory projects - and when I'm working on them I feel guilty because I let my children run wild & don't spend enough time with them. I also had some issues in middle school & high school with the whole "dumb blonde" thing. I heard it enough that I actually started believing it - and even now sometimes I have to do some positive talk in my head to get out the rhetoric. I have a deep, strong testimony, but I have doubts sometimes and many days I am not good about reading scriptures. Just like the SDL, I tend to judge other people harshly for the same things that I hate about myself. I seem to have an addiction to blogs & FB & I feel guilty about how much time I spend online instead of being with my children or getting things done.

Whew! That was kind of scary, but felt good! It's not that I am just accepting these things - most of these I want to improve on, but the point is that I'm not going to pretend like these things aren't happening. Because they are. I'm going to be part of the perfectionism cure - being REAL! Join me?

Prez Day Weekend

We had a fun and busy weekend! We had originally planned President's Day Weekend as a fun, relaxing, sunny visit with the St. George Hamiltons and my grandparents. Well, "fun" turns out to really be the only part of the equation that worked out. We were looking at rentals for most of the trip - and it was really cold, rainy & snowy, but we did have some great times with Jason's brother & family. We were able to hang out, play the Wii, look at some camper trailers, go to Cafe Rio (along with 1/2 of St. George :) and watch Avatar. They have such a beautiful home & are so hospitable. Their sunshine more than made up for the lack of sunshine outside. Keeley was so amazing to watch the girls for 6+ hours while we looked at homes.

So... we have still yet to find the perfect home to rent & time is kind of running out. Less than 2 weeks away & we're supposed to be there. I have faith that we will be where we're supposed to be, though. Sometimes I have to take lots of deep breaths :) I was just grinning most of the time, though. Can't believe this is really happening. So sad to leave so many wonderful family & friends - and at the same time so excited for the future & new adventures ahead. I just have felt so extremely blessed lately. I was reading in my journal over this past year about some hard days, some trials & some doubts. It's amazing and heart-warming to see the miracles that have taken place since then. I know there will be more trials to come, but right now I am just full of gratitude - knowing that God is so wonderful & mindful of me!

We also had a wonderful, cherised time with my grandparents & aunt in Washington. My grandpa has had cancer for a while now & we're not sure how much time we have left with him, so it was neat to take pictures with him & get some video of his poems, rhymes & stories. Grandma Tew made a wonderful lunch. It was a great visit!

Here are a few pics of the weekend :)

January Newsletter - and BIG NEWS!!

Maybe I should give our news at the END of the newsletter portion - or in the middle somewhere - just to see if you're paying attention, but... I won't. I'll just say... we're moving to Iron County! We are sooo thankful to say that Jason has accepted a job offer on the Dixie National Forest in Cedar City as a Budget Analyst.

I can't even express how thankful I am for this opportunity. If you would have asked me 9 months ago, I don't think I would have been so excited for Cedar City. And I'm thinking maybe that's one reason that it's taken 9 humbling months... to get me to the point where I am TRULY looking forward to Iron County and the adventures that await.

Now... I am not naive enough to think this won't be hard. Let's be honest. I haven't been more than a 1/2 hour drive from my family for our entire married life. My sisters & mom are my best friends. We have dear, close friends here. I have grown somewhat accustomed to the conveniences of a big city. This is all true... HOWEVER, I absolutely know this is where the Lord wants us to be right now - even with two other possible job opportunities with more pay - I really, truly feel that this is where we're supposed to be.

You know that feeling you get when you walk outside & let out your breath - and you didn't realize it, but you had been holding it in for a while. And then you take a refreshing, calming, peaceful breath in? That's kind of how I feel right now. Like I've been holding my breath for 2 years & I can finally let it out.

We are so thankful for a job, let alone a job in a small town. We feel extremely blessed right now. We will be moving the first weekend in March and renting in Cedar City until we find some land in a surrounding town (Parowan, New Harmony, etc) to build our home & lay down some roots.

My parents have been so good to have us here & we cannot express our thanks for their hospitality. It will be hard in so many ways to leave them.

Ok. Now - the newsletter. There's some cute things in here! I don't think I'll make it to the slideshow this month. Too much to do! I might just do a winter/spring/summer/fall slideshow instead. We'll see. But here's the newsletter:

FAMILY: Family dinner & surprise lunch for Kalli's 13th birthday, homeschool Friday fun-day downtown to drop off some scarves & hats we made to the Road Home & then taking a tour of the General Conference Center & Church History Museum, watching Edwards cousins for a few days, Tons of fun at Hollywood Connection - and running into the Edwards there, going to the Benson cabin over the Martin Luther King holiday. We LOVE the Bensons & had a lot of fun. The only bummer was poor Logan's hand that got severely burned :( , Heidi's surprise for Jason - a weekend at a Bear lake B&B, U of U gymnastics meet with our good friends, the Hoffmans, and a family dentist visit!

JASON: Jason feels very, very blessed this month to be able to have gotten a job offer in a small town – let alone two other job interviews. He was somewhat unsure for a while because the Zions Park City job & the Idaho job mostly likely would have paid more, but Jason has always liked Cedar City & is looking forward to being closer to his brother. He has done very well at his current job & they will be sad to lose him – he attended a Zions luncheon with some high ups in the middle of the month to recognize great sales employees & was recognized for his great achievements, which we attribute to the Lord. Jason was totally surprised with the B&B getaway at Bear Lake & one of his favorite things was seeing the bald eagle & hundreds and hundreds of deer (and a few nice bucks) as we drove around the lake.

HEIDI: Heidi enjoyed the month of January – especially the big news! She wasn’t so excited about Cedar City when we first started looking at small towns, but now she feels TRULY excited, blessed & overjoyed! So much to do to get ready to move! Heidi has been reading “Fearless” by Max Lucado & really enjoying it. She also is with Chelsea Strong most days of the week to run outside or hit the gym. She’s been going to a fun strength-training class & feeling stronger every day! She is planning on running the Salt Lake ½ Marathon in April with her dad, Kai, and Chelsea (though dad & Kai are doing the full marathon). On the 14^th she went with Cindy & mom to the Oquirrh Mountain temple & then to the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory for some yummy hot chocolate & caramel apples. Mmm… She will sure miss these temple trips with her sisters. She also had a fun lunch date with Tiffany at Kneaders & then to Old Navy. They just move back & now we move away! L She had a GREAT time sneaking around behind Jason’s back to arrange our get-away weekend & it was everything she could have hoped for. The Inn at Snow Meadows was probably her most favorite B&B ever! Heidi is feeling a lot better about the homeschool routine this month & finds a lot of fulfillment watching her children learn & grow. On the 29^th, Heidi had a great day of running 8 miles with Chelsea, going to the Stake Relief Society meeting where she got to hear Richard & Linda Eyre speak, and to the ward temple night – and pizza afterward – with her sweetheart.

McKINLEY:

-McKinley enjoys homeschooling – especially with Tiarra. She is doing very well with her reading and scripture memorization.

-One day mommy was showing McKinley how strong she was – holding up her arm & flexing her muscle. McKinley reached up, grabbed her elbow & said “yeah mom! You ARE so strong!”

-McKinley is still constantly doing experiments. One day she decided to try different toppings on her cheese pizza: Miracle Whip, bananas, and bread.

-One day on our way out of church, McKinley turned to mom, put her hand in front of her face & said “Do you notice anything different about me?” Yes – a new CTR ring from her teacher!

-One day McKinley decided that it had been a really long time since her daddy’s birthday and that he deserved a ½ birthday. She was so excited about it & decided to make lots of decorations, make a gift for him, and even bake a birthday cake for him. It was so sweet.

-McKinley is still so cute about writing people notes. If you stop by the house, many times you can’t leave without a hand-written note from McKinley. One day she wrote a note to everyone in our family, Aunt Cindy’s family, and even Tundra & Sydney. She is such a sweetheart!

-We had to get a muzzle for Sydney this month because of excessive barking & neighbors calling. McKinley was so sad & mom said she didn’t know what else to do. McKinley said “I know! We can get a machine that says in dog language “Quiet!”

-One day we were heading back from WIC and there was a fire truck and ambulance that went by. Mom suggested that we pray for the people that they were going to help. It was so sweet & special to hear McKinley plead for strangers in need. She prayed that they would get out of the fire & not die.

-McKinley blew her first bubble gum bubble this month! She was so funny when she was doing it – she would get all red in the face while she was pushing out the air. She was SO excited, though, & was hugging everyone.

-McKinley & mom were walking home from an activity day activity one day & she was singing to herself –making up sweet songs. One part of her song went something like this “You can talk to the sun during the day when it’s shining bright, and you can talk to the Son at night when you pray…”

-We went out to go feed & water the dogs one extra-cold morning. McKinley pointed to the ground at a tiny frozen puddle & said “Look mom! It’s an ice skating rink for bugs!”

-Tiarra had a scratchy voice one day & McKinley said “Tiarra’s voice is crooked”

-Another day on another walk, McKinley looked at the sidewalk & saw some graffiti. She stopped & said “Look mom! I think it’s Chinese!”

-We were walking to Activity Days & McKinley kept lagging behind & mom was way ahead & kept prodding her. McKinley yelled up to mom (in a sad voice) “I’m sorry I’m wasting your time!”

-Another one of McKinley’s experiments lately has been cutting vegetables. She will cut up almost anything you give her!

-McKinley did great at the dentist’s. She does have a couple teeth that we need to get sealed, but she did good!

IRELAND:

-Mom told Ireland not to run in the church, but she ran away yelling “Ya can’t catch me - -I’m the gingerbread man!”

-Ireland has been praying for people to be healthy lately – which may be why we haven’t been to the doctor in a while. One time was funny, though – she prayed “Please bless McKinley to be healthy & cute!” We are trying to also work with her on opening line. She still says “Thank you Father” instead of “Dear Heavenly Father”

-On fast Sunday, Ireland said she wanted to get up & bear her testimony, so mom got up with her. But all she did was giggle into the microphone.

-During journal time at night, Ireland is so cute. She wants to be just like her big sister. She will write letter drawings (not really legible), but will say as she “writes”, “and…the… slide…was…fun…and…I…love…Sienna…”

-Ireland still doesn’t seem to get the concept of the “hide it under the cup game.” She was playing with McKinley & put something under a cup. Just 1 cup – and then asked her guess where the object was. J

-Ireland apparently doesn’t think she is sweet enough, because mom has caught her a few times POURING honey into her mouth.

-Mom was driving one day & everyone was talking and/or crying at once & mom was frazzled. Then Ireland calls out “MOM! Move the mirror! I can’t see my beautiful eyes!”

-Ireland is getting better at recognizing all the letters of the alphabet & then she will say what word they make, like “Look mom! C! For Cat”

-Ireland went in for her WIC appointment this month. She is just under the 50^th percentile for weight, but was a little low in iron, so we are working on getting her to eat more green, leafy veggies.

-Ireland did great at her very first dentist appointment! Her teeth look great!

KEZIA:

- Kezia does this cute “Hi!” game where you say hi & then she says hi & it goes faster & faster till you’re both giggling like crazy!

-Kezi knows where her mouth, nose & eyes are. Great job Kezi!

-Kezia had such a hard time keeping off the glass coffee table in the living room that we had to take out the glass!

-This was a milestone month for Kezia. She got to graduate to Ireland’s car seat! She’s such a big girl! On our first drive after she was facing forward, she just kept saying “Wheee!”

-Kezia will sign “please” & say “thank you” – so cute!

-Kezia has now mastered the use of the stool. She uses the little white stool to get up to many forbidden things. She scoots it around & lets her get into much trouble.

-We have noticed that Kezia is a very sensitive little girl to others’ feelings. If someone yells at someone else – or is screaming – she will cry. She can tell when someone is really angry or hurt & she is sensitive to that & will cry.

-Kezia LOVES bears and books right now. We love to find her in the girls room with a book.

-One time Ireland slipped on some water & hit her head. She was crying & Kezia came over & gave her lots of sweet kisses.

-Kezia is really getting good at using her utinsils! She’s even great with soup & yogurt!

-Kezi is really good at speaking & signing now & she loves to point at things & say/sign them!

-Kezia is still a huge mess-maker. She loves to get into any open cabinets & explore: DVDs, imitation vanilla, sugar, dishwasher capsules, toilet paper, toothbrushes, etc.

-Kezia has started to learn about cleaning up, though and will put something back in a box or a bag if you show her how.

-She still does this little adorable scrunched-up-nose smile that is so cute – and she’ll pull that smile the minute mom gets out the camera.

You Say... God Says...

I got this in an e-mail today & had to share. LOVE IT.

HANDY LITTLE CHART

God has a positive answer:

YOU SAY:
GOD SAYS:
BIBLE VERSES:

You say: "It's impossible"
God says: All things are possible
(Luke 18:27)

You say: "I'm too tired"
God says: I will give you rest
(Matthew 11:28-30)

You say: "Nobody really loves me"
God says: I love you
(John 3:1 6 & John 3:34 )

You say: "I can't go on"
God says: My grace is sufficient
(II Corinthians 12:9 & Psalm 91:15)

You say: "I can't figure things out"
God says: I will direct your steps
(Proverbs 3:5- 6)

You say: "I can't do it"
God says: You can do all things
(Philippians 4:13)

You say: "I'm not able"
God says: I am able
(II Corinthians 9:8)

You say: "It's not worth it"
God says: It will be worth it
(Roman 8:28 )

You say: "I can't forgive myself"
God says: I Forgive you
(I John 1:9 & Romans 8:1)

You say: "I can't manage"
God says: I will supply all your needs
(Philippians 4:19)

You say: "I'm afraid"
God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear
(II Timothy 1:7)

You say: "I'm always worried and frustrated"
God says: Cast all your cares on ME
(I Peter 5:7)

You say: "I'm not smart enough"
God says: I give you wisdom
(I Corinthians 1:30)

You say: "I feel all alone"
God says: I will never leave you or forsake you
(Hebrews 13:5)

See The Good

A BYU TV short documentary about our good friends, the Jacksons. Please watch & share!