Saturday, June 22, 2013

Difficult week... Amazing Day... and a Single Ray of Light

I'll admit this past week was rough for me. A part of it was that I wasn't counting on the fact that (almost) every mom around me at the girls' swimming lessons has a baby in their arms. And one of the babies looks a lot like Link - about the same age, cute chubby cheeks. She sits by me and kisses his cheeks talks to him and nurses him.  I told some friends I feel like a STARVED woman sitting in a room full of people eating to their hearts' content. I know they don't know my heartache. I have nothing against them or their adorable babies. It's just HARD. Period. It makes me realize, though, how many times in the past I may have "flaunted" my baby and been the cause of someone else's pain. Definitely opens your eyes.
Another difficulty is that I was working on Ireland's birthday book ALL week. Butt glued to my computer chair for hours on end - furiously digitally scrapbooking away so that I could get it done, ordered,  and hopefully here by (or close to) her birthday. Again, I wasn't anticipating how hard it would be to go through all the pictures from the past year. To see my belly grow. To see the pictures of Ireland meeting her baby brother. To see all the precious moments they shared. And then to have to go through the funeral pictures again. I kept a box of tissues by my computer and used quite a few just trying to get that book done.

But today... today was a beautiful day. It was just what I needed after a week  of tears and hunger and longing and misery. Today, a beautiful miracle happened. I got to go with my husband's family to the St. George Temple to support Jason's mom for her first time through the temple. What an amazing, precious day it was! From the moment that she told me she was going through the temple and she had set a date, I told Jason I KNEW Link was a part of this miracle and I KNEW he was going to be there. I can't express how much joy & anticipation that brought me.

And today finally arrived. It was a nice (yes - and warm!) day in St. George. I am so thankful that we have older nieces that watched our little girls while we spent some precious time in the Lord's House. The tears fell freely there as I watched Jason's wonderful family come together to support DeeAnn. I have never had such a strong testimony of the importance of eternal families as I have since my son died - and today my heart just swelled with that sweet knowledge & I just felt SO blessed to witness it. DeeAnn was sealed to her parents  (in a sealing room that has some sacred significance to Jason and I) and I almost sobbed as I felt that "Link" in the family chain come together. I know Link was there. I know he had a hand in it.  I LOVE HIM! And I'm so proud of the work he is doing on the other side. And I know HE is so proud of his sweet grandma.

Here are a few pictures. After I took them and was going through them all on the camera, I began noticing that the vertical full temple pictures all have a single beam of light shining down from the upper left side. It's not just in one picture. It's in ALL of them. Even the 2nd set that I took about 15 minutes after the first set.  Now... I have to tell you there have been a few times where there has been a spot of light that we can't figure out the source. One time we were eating & there was a spot of light right above where Ireland was sitting. I looked all over to see where it was coming from & never could. I haven't seen it since. I don't know if the beam of light today was a love note from our son (and many rejoicing loved ones) or not - but I choose to believe it was.

Congratulations DeeAnn. Love you.


Lena Baron said...

Wow! That is really neat Heidi!! I'm so happy for your family. The temple is a beautiful blessing. We had the opportunity to go through the temple with my brothers last year and it was an amazing experience!!! ((Hugs!)) I know the Starved feeling you taled about also. Love you!

Trish the Dish said...

BEAUTIFUL! I sobbed. What a blessing to have Jason's Mom go through the temple. You did a great job on the pictures! They look good! I am so sorry about the Grief University you're forced to attend. I wish I could help more! Please let me know how I can. I love you!

Tiff Meister said...

Heidi, I love you and I'm so glad you share these posts with us! What an awesome experience with DeeAnn and feeling Link's presence. I have no doubt the amazing work he is doing not only for the family but for many others as well. DeeAnn, if you see my comment, I think you are incredible! Love you!

Lisa Riddle said...

I love that ray of light picture. I am sure it is your little link and others shining down.

Ryan and Shannan Hoffman said...

I loved this post. Thank you for sharing it... the pictures and the story are amazing. THANK YOU for your support this week... I love you!