FAMILY: May was spent mostly just getting through that last month of school for the girls and trying to get
used to our new “normal” without Link. On the 1st, Heidi went to St.
George to meet with the monument company down there about Link’s headstone.
Afterwards, we headed to the splash park with Daken, but it was pretty chilly –
the wind was blowing & the girls didn’t stay for more than an hour. The 2nd
was McKinley’s 1st grade program at school & we all came to see
her. She did so great – she was beautiful and smiled so sweet. The songs were
cute & she even played a glocenschpel (sp?) – like a xylophone. Afterwards,
daddy took her out to eat and to his work. On the 3rd, Heidi took
the girls out of school and we headed to Fredonia, where the Barons live. They
moved to Missouri shortly after, so it was nice to spend some fun time with
them. The drive was beautiful and the girls had a terrific time with Lena’s
boys – doing the zipline, playing in the sprinklers on the tramp, eating popsicles,
and making a HUGE mud mess in their yard! They had so much fun. We are sad they
moved so far away, but thankful for technology. On the 4th, we had
Greg Riddle, Adam Bealer, Mark Corry, and Ryan Gregerson come by & help
Jason dig trenches for our sprinkler system in the backyard. The Bealer kids
played here while the daddys worked & they got a lot done. The 12th
was Jason & Heidi’s 13th anniversary. The Corrys were so good to
take the girls overnight, so we could go out to dinner at Rusty’s, watch a
Redbox movie, read more of our afterlife book, and sleep in! It was a short “staycation,”
but really nice. Mother’s Day was on Sunday & mom was spoiled with waffles
in bed, a candy bar poster, and cute gifts from the girls and from Jason. We
are so thankful for all their help. On the 14th, we headed over to
the new Main Street Park. We’ve been a few more times since then – the girls
love it! Tons of swings, a merry-go-round, and a GIGANTIC slide make for some
great fun. On the 18th, we headed to St. George & the girls hung
out at the Hamiltons while mom & dad went to the temple and out to eat at
Iceburg afterwards. Ireland’s Kindergarten program was on the 21st and
she was really cute. We think she was a bit nervous, though – she kept yawning.
It was fun to see her with her friends that day. She did a great job – and dad
took her out afterwards, too. The 24th was the last day of school
for the girls – they were so excited. We got to pack up and head to Mapleton
that day for Memorial Weekend. The girls had a lot of fun with their cousins –
hiking, making s’mores, riding horses. We also went and visited the graves of
Grandpa Tew, Mary Tew, & Bart Tew. The weather was better than it’s been in
years! Unfortunately, Heidi had strep throat and was out of it for most of the
time, but she was still glad to see her family and let the girls play. Memorial
Day, we got home, unpacked, got cleaned up & headed to Link’s grave and
then to the Bealers for a BBQ. We got yummy food & got to watch the kids
play t-ball afterwards & then did some sparklers. We had a great time. A
lot of May was spent getting the backyard prepped for grass. It ended up being
QUITE a bit more time and money than we anticipated, but we’re hoping the girls
will be able to play back there by next month. Since school is out, we’ve
decided on a flexible schedule for the week: Move-it Monday (exercising – hiking,riding
bikes, swimming, running, etc), Try-it Tuesday (we pick something from
Pinterest to try out), Wanna Wednesday (we stay at home more & do things we
want to do), Think Thursday (work on school goals for the summer – multiplication
tables, spelling, etc), & Field Trip Friday (going to new places around
Cedar). MIRACLE: We had an external hard
drive that crashed a couple weeks before Link died. We finally got around to
trying to get the data out. We even took it to Best Buy & they told us it
would be a minimum of $250 – max of $1800. We found a video on youtube &
Trisha helped look up some options. In the end, we ordered a control card for
$30 that WORKED! There were precious videos of Link on that External Hard drive
that would have been lost forever. Such a blessing! Such a miracle!
JASON: Jason has eased back into work
after losing his baby boy. Everyone has been kind to him and that’s helped a
lot. He spent most extra “moment” in May in the backyard or basement, trying to
get the water system to work and every thing ready in the backyard for getting
grass. He’s put a lot of sweat into that backyard. He continues to enjoy
scouts. Greg Riddle took him dirt
bike-riding and he really enjoyed that.
HEIDI:
Heidi’s grief journey is still very much day-to-day. There are days where she feels
very functional and fine – and there are days that she still seems to drown in
her grief. One of those days was May 7th – the day that Link would
have been 6 months old. Many tears. She continues to work through her grief
with writing, running, and talking about her son. She learned about a SHARE
group in Cedar that is a support group for miscarriage and infant loss. It was
neat to connect with some amazing ladies and hear their stories and share her
story. They do a lot of good in the hospital here & she hopes to get
involved there. On the 16th, Heidi went to a “summer activity ideas”
relief society activity. It was neat to get some good ideas & visit for a
while. On the 18th, Heidi went and ran the Children’s Justice Center
Quarter Marathon & got 2nd in her age group. Memorial Weekend
was not so fun having strep throat & having to spend 3 hours in Springville
to go to the Instacare and get some meds, but she was thankful to be feeling
better by the day they left. And she hopes this is her strep throat for the
year! She FINALLY finished Mansfield Park and started reading A Town Like Alice. Tender mercies
continue to abound: On
Link’s 6-month birthday, she got a beautiful necklace in the mail, whom she
later found out was from a friend of her sisters. It was so very sweet of her
and says LINKIN DALLIN HAMILTON with angel footprints and his birthstone & deathstone.
It is beautiful. Also on Link’s 6-month birthday, her friend Lisa Anderson
brought her a white rose and watched her kids. It was so sweet. Ruthann Hook
also sent a sweet package via her sister – it was a beautiful locket with a picture
of the SL temple and “Our Family is Forever,” along with little beads that had
our family birthstones on it – she also sent beautiful angel necklaces for the
girls. In addition, we got a framed stick-figure stitch of our whole family from
our bishop’s wife. And Connie Weaver, a lady that Heidi visit teaches, gave us
a beautiful hand-stitched pillow that says “Be Still, and know that I am God
and I am with you.” So many beautiful, thoughtful gifts. So much love.
McKINLEY:
-Mom asked McKinley one day if she ever talked about Link at
school with her friends. She said “Well…no…cuz, you know, there’s all that math
stuff that’s in my mind.”
-McKinley’s school program was on June 5th. It was
so great to see her up there smiling and doing her best to sing the words. She
sat by her “crush” – Joseph – in the program J
-McKinley did wonderful in school this year & Mrs. Robb
called me personally to tell me how thankful she was to have McKinley in her
class. She brought home some beautiful projects at the end of the year and she
brought home a wonderful binder full of great memories from the year. The last
week she had fun going on field trips (to the Ladybug Nursery, the library, and
Discover Park), having a field day where they played games outside, and having
a reading celebration with the school that included getting to watch a movie
and seeing her principal kiss a guinea pig.
-We got some grief workbooks for the girls and McKinley has
done such a good job with hers. She’s drawn pictures of Link & written
about how much she loves him and misses him.
-After some talking & praying, we decided to go ahead
& let McKinley sleep in the bed in Link’s room. All the girls have slept
MUCH better since that arrangement! And McKinley is good about being quiet and
reading books or writing in her diary before she sleeps.
- McKinley and dad have been reading Because of Winn Dixie – they’re almost done!
-McKinley had some fun play dates with Addison, Chloe, and
Lindsay Brown. They had fun singing, playing, or doing the Easy Bake Oven that
Camri gave McKinley. She actually made some really yummy mini cakes in her Easy
Bake Oven.
-McKinley has been a big helper with the backyard. She has
come helped us dig and pat down sand and bring us water, etc.
-McKinley says “I am excited for the summer. Cuz then school’s
out and we get to play with our cousins sometimes. Cuz I get to be at home
more. We’re going to have a lemonade stand!”
IRELAND:
-Ireland still had quite a few angry episodes in May. One of
the worst was when she dumped a BUNCH of water out of the bathtub and it leaked
into the basement. She also had a HUGE tantrum in Link’s room – including having
accidents in there. We are trying to help her work through her anger. Her
school counsoler, Jill Bassett, worked with her on a book where she could color
& draw out her thoughts & feelings. It was a great book & we
learned a lot about how she’s dealing with losing her baby brother. Her tantrums seem to be getting better &
she’s able to deal with her feelings without completely having a meltdown.
-At the beginning of May, for some reason, she decided to rub
her nose on the carpet again (she did the same thing last year in our other
home) and it left a huge scrape on her nose and scabbed over.
-Ireland’s end-of-school program was so cute and we got to
take a picture with some of her favorite friends – Isabella Daniel, Jenna
Davies, Shaylee Johnson, and Emi Schoppman.
-Ireland got to be the star of the week in the middle of May.
We had fun doing a poster with all the things she likes, sending a favorite
book, a favorite toy, treats, and also filling out an “about me” page.
-One day, Ireland wanted to speak in accents. We talked like
English people and then she wanted to talk like an Irish person, so we looked
it up on youtube & tried to speak in Irish accents. A crow flew by and Irealnd
squawked and said “Am I speaking Irish crow talk?”
-We went to playgroup at the park one day & Ireland was
having so much fun playing, she didn’t want to leave. Mom said it was time to
go & Ireland (sitting at the top of the play structure with her arms
folded) looked down at mom & said “I am NOT AVAILABLE.”
-Ireland seems to have really taken to the marble ball game (perplexus)
that McKinley got from Christmas. She will sit for quite a while trying to get
the little ball all around the maze. She’s good, too! One day she made it to
100!
-Mom & Ireland have been reading Junie B. Jones (Camri
let us borrow some of her books). We get some good laughs from all Junie B.’s
crazy antics!
KEZIA
-Kezia earned enough date points & got to go with mom out
for lunch at McDonald’s. They had a great time.
-Kezia still talks about Link all the time. When she sees
cute shoes at Walmart, she picks them up and says “we can get these for Link
when he comes back!”When we used the restroom at the church, she saw the
changing table and said “this is where we’ll change Link’s diaper when he comes
back!” She likes to tell friends and strangers about her baby brother that died
– and she likes to tell them about his cute cheeks. She ALWAYS wants to hear
Link’s bedtime song after hers.
-One day mom found 3 bottles of cake decorating sprinkles in
Kezia’s PJ drawer.
-All the girls, but especially, Kezia has been saying a LOT “that’s
boring!”
-Kezia’s favorite color USED to be yellow, but now she says
she’s changed it to blue. (just like daddy & McKInley)
-One day mom was looking online at some outdoor play things.
There were some huge swing sets & Kezia said she wanted one of the most
expensive ones. Mom said “They are way too much money.” Kezia replied “But I
have lots of too much money.”
-We saw a trampoline one day when we were driving in the car
& Kezi said she wanted one. Mom said that we already had a little trampoline
in the basement. Kezi said “Yeah… I want it to grow up.”
-Kezia is still obsessed with My Little Pony and Super Mario
Galaxy. She says she wants a Super Mario Galaxy cake for her next birthday.
-We were on our way home after playing at the new main street
park. It was late & mom told the girls that when they got home, they needed
to go right to sleep. Kezia said “But sleep is hard.”
-As the girls were getting dressed one day, mom heard Kezia
tell her sister “I’m wearing size MINE!”
-One day Kezi entered the bathroom that mom was using. She said “Eeeew! It stinks! I’ll go get some deodorant
so it won’t make you stink.” And she proceeded to bring mom some deodorant.
-Kezia seems to be our child that LOVES animals. She is an
amazing chicken catcher and she just CAN’T stay away from Aunt Cindy’s rats
when we visit.
-In Primary every Sunday, the presidency walks around with a jar.
They say “I know Heavenly Father loves me because…” and the children each say
something. One Sunday in May, Kezia said “I know Heavenly Father loves me
because… he gives me macaroni and cheese!” That same Sunday, one of the leaders
was doing an object lesson. She had some red “juice” and wanted the kids to
taste some. The teachers all told the children to say “NO” – but no matter how
Kezia’s teacher told her to say NO – she still wanted to taste that “juice” –
so she stuck out her tongue. It ended up being red-colored salt water. Yuck!
-Kezia is growing up so fast right before our eyes – she’s
learned how to pump herself on the swing without any help and is now buckling
her car sear all by herself!
-One day mom looked back in the van & saw a glimpse of
the shirt that was Kezia’s shirt that used to be Ireland’s shirt that used to
be McKinley’s shirt. My, how time flies.
-Kezia seems to like to play with older girls – even when
there are girls her age. She LOVES playing with Camri Corry and Camri Hamilton
and whenever we go to the Bealers, she wants Addison home.
-One day at the playground, Kezia was getting too close to
someone swinging & a lady moved her over & said “Watch out baby!” Kezia
just sat down and screamed & sobbed. Mom came over & asked what was
wrong. Kezi said “She called me BABY!”
LINK:
We miss your blue eyes, your chubby cheeks and your
impossibly adorable smiles & laughs every single day, our baby boy. Mom can
be seen often kissing her finger & putting it to your picture. You would
have been 6 months on the 7th of this month… and that was a hard day
for mom. Adam Bealer dropped by and brought blue balloons. We each wrote a note
to you and attached it to the balloons and sent them up to you. Also – we watched
your slideshow and we cried… It’s been two full months since you died and we’re
getting by, but you are in our thoughts all the time, Link. We talk about you
constantly. Wondering what you’d be doing by now. Wondering if you would like
eating certain things. Your sisters are taking turns sleeping in your room. I
think it helps them to feel closer to you. Mom & dad continue to read the
after-life book to try and get an idea of what it’s like where you are. We know
you are watching over us – and along with Grandpa Tew (and many others) are
working hard as a missionary.
Much of this month was spent trying to finalize your headstone.
We hope you will like it and it will have meaning for you – as it does for us. We
went to your grave on Memorial Day and it was neat to be there – but we think
we will enjoy it more once the headstone is in. Mom & Dad felt your
presence in the temple when they went this month. Mom has had a few precious
dreams where she actually gets to kiss your adorable cheeks and there is almost
nothing sweeter & more comforting for her in the whole world. She’s still
working to collect all the pictures, videos, and memories from everyone so that
we can have a book for your birthday.
You continue to touch so many hearts, Link. We love you. We miss
you.
2 comments:
Super sweet! I can't wait for the day that Hayden can buckle herself in the car like Kezia! I was thinking about you guys on Memorial Day! Also, I saw you for a fleeting second at the circus- and decided against flailing around like a fool to yell hi since you were already walking past!! Ha ha we had fun!
It breaks my heart that not only do we have to grieve and miss our babies so much... But our precious kiddos have to grieve the loss of their sibling. Kezia's sweet statements remind me so much of my little guy's processing of losing his sister.
Hang in there. There isn't anything easy about this new road you are on... Know you aren't alone. There is something about knowing I wasn't alone that was comforting... Especially in the beginning.
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