I made a deal with McKinley that if she would give me 1 hour of quiet time in her room, then she could come out and play. So - I only have an hour - I'd better get writing. These are just ramblings that come out once in a while when I have some time to stop and think. And I've been thinking about believing. Not necessarily WHAT do I believe, but do I believe enough? That sounds strange.
The thing is... I look at McKinley with her childlike faith. We tell her that there is a Santa Claus, an Easter Bunny, and that she will have to stay home if she doesn't hurry up and get her shoes on. And she whole-heartedly believes us. We tell her that Jesus will help her and He loves her and He lives. And she believes us.
How can she know the difference? She can't see Jesus or the Easter Bunny.
Still...I envy her faith so much. Even if much of what she believes in is not real, she believes. I generally fear instead of believe. She fears, too, but her fears are usually based on something imaginary - monsters, bad guys, Swiper. And yet... aren't most of mine as well? I have no basis to know for a fact that any one of my fears will come to pass, yet I spend so much time wondering, fearing...what if something happened to my sweetheart? what if something happened to my girls? what if we can't sell the house? what if we don't find a job in a small town? what if it's a small town that I don't like? how will we be able to stay out of debt?...
The list goes on and on, swirling in my mind,
and then... I read something like this:
"And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive." (Matt 21:22)
And then the swirling stops. And I pray. I pray for strength, I pray for my desires and dreams, and I pray that I may have the faith of my dear, sweet daughter. And the Lord calms the storm in my mind and and I can trust, as McKinley does, that my heavenly parents are extremely mindful of me, that they have a plan for my life, and they will NEVER forsake me.
...And, when I think about it, the Easter Bunny seems more plausible than many of the miracles I have seen in my own life.
So -here's to believing. Believing in things we can't see and even some things we can but have lost our hope in. It's not always easy in this world where no one seems to believe in anything anymore, but as I see things, once we stop believing, we stop living.