Unprepared

I had to post this because it's kind of making me crazy. I had a dream last night that I have dreamed repeatedly in one way or another for quite a while. It goes something like this: I am in school again. For some reason or another, I suddenly realize that I am wayyyy behind in a class and I get really panicky. It's like I've just enjoyed things too long, got complacent and forgotten what I was there for. And when I realize it - it's too late! I am too far behind. Last night I dreamt that I was taking 4 or 5 classes, but only attending 2. I called the "principle" or whatever of the college I was going to and asked if I could still get credit for the classes. She asked me why I hadn't gone to them. I told her I wasn't sure, but there were a lot of things going on in my life and I just forgot - spaced it. She acted like there was a way to get credit for the classes, but my excuses weren't good enough. I was out of luck. I wasn't freaked out because I'd lost money on the classes. I was freaked out because it meant I was going to get terrible grades that would affect my GPA forever and that I was disappointing myself and everyone else.

About 2 nights before that one, I had a dream that it was my turn to teach preschool. I had the stuff sort of figured out, but I hadn't put anything together. The kids and actually a few parents came. I was just scrambling all over the place. I didn't really have anything totally prepared and I was trying to print out this and tape that and of course the kids were running around wild and I could hear a parent in the background asking when we were going to actually have a lesson.

Last night's dream about school has really stuck with me all day long. Just before dinner, I was thinking about it again & I'm realizing 2 things:

1. In all these dreams, the most common feeling is panic that I am not prepared. I am disappointing myself, my parents, and my teacher. So - the lesson I think I'm supposed to get is to prepare myself - spiritually, mentally, food storage-y, etc for whatever "test" is to come, so that I am ready and don't disappoint myself, my loved ones, or my teacher (Jesus).

2. As I typed this out, I also realized that there is something else there. This life is a series of classes. Am I just skimming along - loafing off - and getting behind on the lessons I'm supposed to learn here? Am I getting the full educational experience that I am meant to have? No. I'm not applying myself, I'm not listening to the teacher, I'm not "getting" the lessons.

I've heard it said that God's microphone is repetition. I've had these dreams so much in the last few years that I hope I've gotten the message right - and I start learning the lessons I'm supposed to be learning in this mortal classroom. You'd better believe I'm going to work on preparedness this year as well. Maybe then my dreams will be of peace instead of panic.