Still here...

for the most part. I think overall I am heading toward feeling like a normal human being, but not quite there yet. The past week has mostly been better. The funny thing is, though, that I feel like my mornings are getting a tiny bit better, but my nights are getting worse. Anybody that has any really brilliant ideas on how to eradicate heartburn, please let me know. Ug. I never even KNEW what heartburn really was until I was pregnant w/ my first. Now I really, really know. I look at tomatoes and want to cry. I LOVE tomatoes! And I can't even go near them right now.

At the exact same time, I am so thankful to be pregnant right now. I just got done visiting teaching and was re-reminded how you just never know...there are SO many things that can & do go wrong in creating these amazing, miraculous bodies.
I like John Bytheway's book How to be Totally Miserable (a self-hinder book). His first chapter talks about our "imagi-nation" and if we want to be totally miserable, we need to go to our "imagi-nation" (ya know, like the French Nation) and imagine all the horrible things that could go wrong in life. So - I'll try to stay away from there & know that all I can do is try & take care of myself and leave the rest up to the Lord.

On a side note, I had just enough energy yesterday to rotate Ireland's 18month clothes to 2T. Not one of my favorite chores - I swear it takes half a day to go through all her old clothes, pack them away, get out the new ones organize them and get them hung up. I have to say, though, that I am amazed every time I do it. Wasn't McKinley just wearing these jeans yesterday? Wow - I remember McKinley wearing this adorable shirt all the time. How did she get so big?

Also - thanks to everyone for your birthday wishes and your congrats on our new one. I love all of you!

It's Time...

To tell everyone that we are expecting baby #3! I usually like to wait until after the first trimester to spill the beans, but since this is like a 2nd journal to me it's been hard to refrain, especially with how I've been feeling. And, we heard the heartbeat this week, so that helps and I hope that everything goes well from here on out.

So - how far along am I? Let's just say this baby will FOR SURE be here by the very beginning of November. I like to be real conservative because McKinley was 10 days late & Ireland was a full week late.

This pregnancy has been very difficult for me. I say for ME because I know it could be so much worse. My sister Cindy had hyperemisis and was throwing up all day long and in and out of the hospital to get IVs. My mom and good friend Lena also had MUCH worse pregnancies. So, I'm trying to keep things in perspective and not complain too much, but compared to my last 2, it's been pretty brutal. Not that my my last 2 were perfect - I threw up a few times, but I usually felt better after the morning. With this one, I feel like I'm in a seemingly never-ending cycle of NEEDING to eat, NOTHING looking good, forcing myself to eat something, feeling terrible afterwards - nausea and/or heartburn, feeling like puking and/or puking, and then feeling exhausted and/or sleeping. And the cycle starts over - from the minute I get up to when I try to get to sleep at night with my chest burning. I have pretty much been non-functional for the past month. I've thrown all my goals out the window and just tried to focus on getting through the day and not throw up too much. So - needless to say my house has been messy, I have only gotten dressed when really necessary, my girls usually aren't dressed either & rarely have their hair fixed. I've gotten behind on about everything & tried to just focus on getting through this first trimester.

So - if I have seen you in the past month and I seemed distracted, unresponsive, or even short with you, please forgive me. I surely don't mean to be that way. I have tried to pretend like I feel fine, but I've had a few people in the past week or so ask if I'm OK & I've had to 'fess up. All I can say is that I feel so bad for those poor nursery kids. I do the singing for 4 nurseries and I'm sure it was almost comical to see me do "popcorn popping" while I felt like puking. I certainly don't feel like myself and I'm anxiously looking forward to the day I can wake up and feel like me - with motivation, energy, and a good attitude. The analogy of the roller coaster is so appropriate. I feel like I have no control over anything - I'm just strapped in for the ride. It truly amazes me how something so tiny can cause so much havoc.

OK - so I have now done some much-needed venting, but I don't want to end on that note. You'd think I'd be a bit worried right now to be pregnant with Jason between jobs (and I will admit I've had my panic-attack moments), but overall I feel overwhelmingly blessed and comforted. Having Jason at home has been SUCH a blessing to me! He has not complained once and has been relentless in asking me what he can do for me - from making me breakfast in bed to putting cold rags on my neck when I've been nauseated or throwing up, to rubbing my back, to watching the girls so I can sleep and sleep and sleep. He is SUCH a blessing to me! I don't know what I would have done if he were working all the time. I might have survived, but I guarantee my girls would probably be watching TV pretty much all day.

I am so thankful for this tiny new life. Let's just say that even though I wasn't ready, there was a temple visit where there was NO doubt in my mind that there was a spirit waiting to be here and the Lord wanted us to bring it here. I am so very humbled that the Lord has given me this opportunity - and I am EVER aware of how precious life is - especially with how many people we know in just the past year that have lost babies and children. So - I will try and take this journey with gratitude for every experience and trust and faith in the Lord and His plan for my life and our family.

Happy St. Patty's!

Just wanted to drop a line & say Happy St. Patrick's Day! It was pretty mellow for us for the most part, but we did have some fun eating Lucky Charms in the morning, and lots of other green food - broccoli, honeydew melon, green peppers, green beans, and lime sherbet (though not all at once :)

St. Patrick's was always a big deal for my family growing up. My grandma Potts (my dad's mom) came over from Ireland, but it was my mom that was all about the holiday. She would talk in an Irish accent, make green pancakes, and usually we'd have a big St. Patrick's Day party with all our friends after school where we would go on a green scavenger hunt, bob for green apples, and play more green games & eat more green food. We also were MERCILESS to anyone not wearing green - from the MINUTE you got up, if you didn't have green on, you would be pinched by everyone.

My mom had her St. Patrick's Day party for her grandkids yesterday & they had a lot of fun! Then today, McKinley went to her preschool St. Patty's day party & she was so excited. Apparently there was a good leprechaun there that left them candy, but then there was a naughty sneaky one that went around pinching people. She had a great time.

We also read the story about my Grandma Potts and her life in Ireland.

Speaking of Ireland, I apparently am slacking on the green-ness in her wardrobe. It was a stretch to find something green - and she's Ireland! I'm going to work on that.

Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone!

Birthday Addendum

I know - I thought my birthday was over on Friday, too!
Jason took me to a movie on Saturday afternoon (the 4pm showing of Inkheart)after we dropped the girls off at mom's. Afterwards we were driving home thinking of something to eat. I was thinking I wanted soup in a breadbowl. Jason wanted to go home & eat something, but I couldn't think of anything I wanted to eat at home, so I told him to go to Smith's since I needed to go grab a few things anyway & then I would get some soup & breadbowls, so we headed that way & then Jason said he needed to use the bathroom. I said to use the bathroom at Smith's, but he said he wanted to use the one at home. Ug. Fine!
So we pull up and he hops out and goes to get me out. I'm like "Uh..I'll just wait while you go!" But he was insistent that I get out. That was the first time I thought something might be up. Why would he want me to come in with him just to use the bathroom? So I come in & SUPRISE! Lots of neighbors and friends and food and decorations. Wow! I really was surprised I had NO idea Jason was planning this. It's funny because I had kind of guessed everything on my birthday when we were on our way to it - Hollywood Connection, Al Forno's & even the gymnastics meet, but not this!
It was great to see everyone - especially nice for our friends that came all the way from Layton and Midway. Thanks sweetie for a wonderful, memorable, loving 30th!

Top: Engmans! / Bottom: Robyn (all the Matthews were there at one point)


Top: Heidi & the neighborhood girls / Bottom: Jod & Jacie - cute sisters! They helped set everything up!


Top: The Grays / Bottom: The Warrens


Another wonderful yummy chocolate cake. We still have lots of leftovers if anyone's interested!

In My Next 30 Years...

First, the recap: I awoke (well, OK - I was told to wait in bed) to pancakes in bed, balloons, and a homemade card. It was great!Then, a nice, leisurely bath. That doesn't happen a lot!
Then we rushed to get ready & headed out the door. I wasn't sure where we were going, but we ended up in the Hollywood Connection parking lot. Jason thought it opened at 11am, but I guess they still had their winter hours & it was closed. It was sweet of him to plan a family fun day there, though!


After that, we went to my mom's & she took me out to lunch @ Souper Salad. We had a great time talking & eating while Jason took the kids to Murray Park.
Then it was home for relaxing & naps.
We headed back to my mom's & I had a little family surprise party waiting for me - complete with awesome decorations, an AMAZING cake by Cindy, and many cute presents. Thanks guys!
Then mom & dad watched the kids while Jason took me to our favorite little Italian place, Al Forno's, and then to the U of U gymnastics meet. It was so much fun!
To top it all off, after we got home, I got a foot and head message from my sweetheart. HEAVEN! Thanks everyone for making my birthday so awesome!

So, I've been thinking about this "next 30 years post" for a couple weeks.

Here's what the majority of my last 30 years have focused on (esp. middle school-HS)
-Wanting to impress everyone and be popular.
-Always wanting to have the latest clothes & brands (I would be SO APPALLED if I was 10 and could see myself now. I SWORE to everyone that I would ALWAYS be totally on top of all the clothing trends. I also told everyone when I'd go to the mall that my baby was going to be a total GAP baby and wear nothing else)
-Wanting to make everyone like me (even if it meant doing dumb things)
-Not taking care of my body - not loving myself.
-Doing things for show
-Hearing all the "dumb blond" jokes & starting to believe that maybe I really was dumb.
-Hurting other people's feelings
-Taking people and things for granted.


So, here's what I want my next 30 years to look like:
-Getting to the point where the Lord's opinion of me is really what matters in my life. Caring less about what other people think.
-Focus less on material things and more on eternal things.
-Making my relationship with my Savior the complete CENTER of my life. My relationship with Him is the ONLY thing that cannot be taken away.
-Taking care of my earthly temple while not being vain or prideful about it.
-Coming to love myself - internally KNOWING that I am of worth simply because I am a daughter of God and He loves me- not because I get x number of loads of laundry done, lose x number of lbs, my kids have x IQ, etc.
-Humbly listening to the knowledge of others & trying to learn from their experience as well as the earthly experiences I have.
-Showing everyone around me on a daily basis how much I LOVE THEM. Being their cheerleader and serving with a loving, cheerful heart.
-Live in the moment. This one is really hard for me, but I hope that I am able to do leaps better in cherishing every detail of my life - including the hard things. Keeping more of an eternal vision with me.
-When life's trials come my way, I hope to humbly learn the lessons it has to teach and use the trial to humble myself and have a closer relationship w/ my Savior.
-Let GO of fear and TRUST completely in the Lord, and in doing so, letting myself have pure joy.

Pretty much opposites of my first 30 years, right? Hopefully I've got my focus where it needs to be now. And hopefully I can influence my children so they have their focus closer to where it should be as well.

I'm so thankful for the past 30 years that I have loved, laughed and learned. I'm looking forward to learning more lessons the Lord has in store for me, including more babies, moves, jobs, education, and yes even trials.

"Maybe now I've conquered all my adolescent fears. I'll do it better in my next 30 years"

February Newsletter & Slideshow

REMINDER TO E-MAIL SUBSCRIBERS: You won't be able to see the slideshow unless you click the "Hamilton Happenings" link at the bottom of the e-mail. Thanks!

Sorry this is so late. The 5th is my deadline, so I'm cutting it close, but here are some of the things we were up to in February month. Newsletter link to the right. Slideshow & kids stuff below.



McKINLEY: Here’s some things our favorite 3 & a half years old is up to:
-McKinley has already started to be a backseat driver. She reprimanded her dad for going through a red light (we had to explain green arrows to her).
-We were almost on the freeway coming back from Aunt Cindy’s house when mom looked back to see McKinley standing up in her car seat! We quickly strapped her in & had a discussion about car seat safety. Then she said “But, dad, when you were a little boy, you did that!”
-Mom was getting ready in her bathroom and McKinley came in. We had yet another discussion about make-up. Then she started singing this song… “Daddies don’t wear make-up. They wear jelly on their heads.” Kind of catchy, don’t you think? She calls gel jelly.
-We have been AMAZED just in the past couple months at McKinley’s ability to recognize and write letters. She recognizes almost all the letters and can write about half of them. She almost can spell and write her own name, too! She gets SO excited to find the letter M. We’ll be driving, and she’ll yell out “MOM, MOM! It’s an M for McKinley! Look!”
-McKinley also gets really excited to see flags. She will yell “Look dad! I see a United States of America!” She also knows the pledge of allegiance almost completely!
-McKinley is really a pro now with getting dressed. We’re still working on color coordination, however, and putting clothes on the right way. She usually puts them on backward. We’ve found advantages to this, however, when we let her wear them backwards – most of the stains get on the back so that, perchance, she wore the shirt the correct way, there wouldn’t be any stains!
-We mentioned to McKinley not to talk with her mouth full ONE time and now she is the POLICE of people talking with their mouths full. If you even have a morsel in your mouth (or even a pen!) she will say “Don’t talk with your mouth full!”
-McKinley has always been curious, but lately she has been on a real “WHY?” kick. Everything is “why, why, why?”
-McKinley & Ireland are usually the ones to get daddy up in the morning. One morning McKinley jumped on daddy & said “Daddy, get up so you can marry me!”
-Mom was saying the “there was an old lady who swallowed a fly. I don’t know why she swallowed a fly. Perhaps she’ll die” story. McKinley looked at her seriously and said “Mom, that would be really, really sad if she died. Her family would be so sad.”
-We have been working hard on saying “Yes, I’d be happy to” when asked to do something. We encourage McKinley to say it & she gets a penny. She’s done really well and gotten lots of pennies to buy treats or toys. When mommy and daddy say it, we get a kiss instead of a penny. One day McKinley asked mom for help with something and mom gave the standard “Just a minute, sweetie. I need to finish here.” McKinley looked up and said sadly “Ok, well I guess you just don’t get a kiss then.”

IRELAND: Ireland is so talkative lately! Here’s some fun things she’s been doing:
- Ireland has started saying “awesome!” It’s sooooo cute.
-Ireland has been going through a “I do NOT need my pants or diapers on” phase. She will immediately pull her pants and/or diaper off as soon as they’re put on. We always know when she’s got them off, because she will run up to you and say “bum bum!” We have had to resort to always wearing onesies and/or overalls.
-Ireland has started to say “NO!” We will ask if she’s grumpy & she’ll say “NO grumpy!” We’ll ask her to dance for us & she’ll say “NO dance!” etc.
-Ireland learned a new trick – she has started to walk backwards. It’s so cute – she looks like she’s moonwalking.
-Ireland is really good at prayers & sometimes when we ask her she will bow her head and we can hear a “Father, thank you day, Jesus Amen” Often, when others prayers are getting too long (as in, more than 5 seconds) she will keep saying Amen! until the prayer is done.
-Ireland wasn’t eating her dinner, so mom tried the ol’ “airplane with your fork” trick. It didn’t work, but after mom quit trying, Ireland put some food on the fork and tried to do it to mommy, making all the airplane noises and saying “yummy!”
-Mom asked Ireland for kisses one day. She turned to walk away & mom made a pouty, sad face with her bottom lip sticking out. Ireland walked back (mom thought she was going to come back & give her kisses), pushed her lip back in her mouth & said “Mom Happy!”