So - how far along am I? Let's just say this baby will FOR SURE be here by the very beginning of November. I like to be real conservative because McKinley was 10 days late & Ireland was a full week late.
This pregnancy has been very difficult for me. I say for ME because I know it could be so much worse. My sister Cindy had hyperemisis and was throwing up all day long and in and out of the hospital to get IVs. My mom and good friend Lena also had MUCH worse pregnancies. So, I'm trying to keep things in perspective and not complain too much, but compared to my last 2, it's been pretty brutal. Not that my my last 2 were perfect - I threw up a few times, but I usually felt better after the morning. With this one, I feel like I'm in a seemingly never-ending cycle of NEEDING to eat, NOTHING looking good, forcing myself to eat something, feeling terrible afterwards - nausea and/or heartburn, feeling like puking and/or puking, and then feeling exhausted and/or sleeping. And the cycle starts over - from the minute I get up to when I try to get to sleep at night with my chest burning. I have pretty much been non-functional for the past month. I've thrown all my goals out the window and just tried to focus on getting through the day and not throw up too much. So - needless to say my house has been messy, I have only gotten dressed when really necessary, my girls usually aren't dressed either & rarely have their hair fixed. I've gotten behind on about everything & tried to just focus on getting through this first trimester.
So - if I have seen you in the past month and I seemed distracted, unresponsive, or even short with you, please forgive me. I surely don't mean to be that way. I have tried to pretend like I feel fine, but I've had a few people in the past week or so ask if I'm OK & I've had to 'fess up. All I can say is that I feel so bad for those poor nursery kids. I do the singing for 4 nurseries and I'm sure it was almost comical to see me do "popcorn popping" while I felt like puking. I certainly don't feel like myself and I'm anxiously looking forward to the day I can wake up and feel like me - with motivation, energy, and a good attitude. The analogy of the roller coaster is so appropriate. I feel like I have no control over anything - I'm just strapped in for the ride. It truly amazes me how something so tiny can cause so much havoc.
OK - so I have now done some much-needed venting, but I don't want to end on that note. You'd think I'd be a bit worried right now to be pregnant with Jason between jobs (and I will admit I've had my panic-attack moments), but overall I feel overwhelmingly blessed and comforted. Having Jason at home has been SUCH a blessing to me! He has not complained once and has been relentless in asking me what he can do for me - from making me breakfast in bed to putting cold rags on my neck when I've been nauseated or throwing up, to rubbing my back, to watching the girls so I can sleep and sleep and sleep. He is SUCH a blessing to me! I don't know what I would have done if he were working all the time. I might have survived, but I guarantee my girls would probably be watching TV pretty much all day.
I am so thankful for this tiny new life. Let's just say that even though I wasn't ready, there was a temple visit where there was NO doubt in my mind that there was a spirit waiting to be here and the Lord wanted us to bring it here. I am so very humbled that the Lord has given me this opportunity - and I am EVER aware of how precious life is - especially with how many people we know in just the past year that have lost babies and children. So - I will try and take this journey with gratitude for every experience and trust and faith in the Lord and His plan for my life and our family.